Cosmic Therapy's "Waking Up" Premise
I am incapable of knowing who I am as long as I think I have an idea. The idea of whom and what I think I am prevents me from receiving who I actually am. What I perceive to be is in fact distorted by the clouded and disassembled accumulated perception of myself. My self-serving preconditioned and memory based automated mind takes it upon itself to determine the various colors and dimensions interpreting my existence. My mind remains inferior to my life’s newest experience and therefore distorts the interpretation thereof. The experience is genuine; my mind’s interpretation is false. When I look at myself to try to gauge the level of existence I am currently involved in, I am thwarted by the insistent familiar determination of that reality simply because of the emotional factors attached. I have no accurate perceivable ability to measure whether I am this or I am that. In the process of my search for realization of the truth, I have interfered with the process of my being able to discover who and what I really am, or so it seems.
A constant labeling of names and duties, refer to me as their counterparts and as long as I identify with them, I am not in the present sense: real to any of them. Even at this point, I realize that I am powerless to interfere with any ‘waking up’ process that is going on with me. My mind will say that I am this or that but it does not make it so. It is impossible for me to dissect my nature for what I am lies behind my ability to determine, elevate or deter it. As long as I persist in saying I know who I am and what I am doing then I presuppose that I am to act in a certain manner becoming to that specific role. I am to talk in a certain manner, think in a certain manner and respond in a certain manner. I base every thought against a thought of memory. {Whether cherished or despised}That particular rendition of existing is a leftover kind of life.
I am not nor will I ever experience the same thing in my existence no matter how many times it is repeated. The nearest I will ever come to even mimicking a replicate will be when I contemplate the experience before, while, during or after it to determine where and how it compared with similar experiences. But, rest assured: IT can not be duplicated, ever! These apparent appearances of people, places, things, and events are “brand new” all the time and can not be interacted in blindly or unconsciously. When I interact with anyone I ’think” I know, {no matter how long or how intimately I’ve been involved with them} I must do so as if he/she were a stranger. Any other interaction is unjustifiably shortchanged and preprogrammed.
I must constantly remind myself, I am capable of making up horrendous lies about others, most especially when it comes to their relationship to me. I do this so that I am able to feed myself tidbits of assurance, while I am on earth, to feel more secure, loved, appreciated, wanted, desired, confident, superior, successful, intelligent and progressive. As long, as I do not release the need to feel secure, productive, contributory, needed and appreciated, I will stifle the life force that begs of authenticity. All of these actions, notions and behaviors are false; thereby causing me to experience myself as phony. Everything has something to do with what and who I am. Nothing is to be excluded. Nothing is to be shifted in another direction. There is and never has been nor will there ever be something on the outside of me, of which I need, ought to possess or want to obtain. I am already everything I will ever try to be. I can do no better than I am doing at this moment. To say less than this devours the present moment of certainty.
That essence, which is the essence of every person, is indiscernible and indefinable. I may in my futile attempts make shallow stabs at delving into and describing my particular rendition of me and my relationship to God, the universe, my mate, family, friends, relationships, work, career, talents and sexuality, but I must recognize that I fall completely short of being able to define such a concept. For it is with my finite and conditioned mind that I am making the attempt to explain the unexplainable. That which is beyond me is before me and that which is before me is beyond me and yet I am of the essence of all there is. To define myself as this way or that way is to limit my all encompassing creative expression and sacred sexual experience of what really exists. As long as I persist in identifying with any familiar part of myself, I have reduced myself to a set of conditions and watered down truth.
In order to evolve past the state of simply existing in a prefabricated world of desired intent, I must accept the fact that I will always “place me in a good light” pack of memories and occurrences. Whether I define myself as saintly or demonic, I have still taken it upon myself to declare that I know who I am and what I am supposed to be doing when in fact I do not. As long as I persist in not accepting that everything I see, feel, hear, touch and taste is a basic part of my inherent nature, the longer I postpone the truth of what is. Nothing is separate. Nothing is outside of me which I am not a part of. Moreover, that which I experience in every direction is the projected experience of what is at this time defining me. But, the actual experience of that which is ever unfolding and ever evolving can not be possibly defined by me. I will have to get out of my own mind to say nothing about anything regarding me.
Paula Andrea Pyle, MA
Author Bio
Proud Native {Born, Bred, and Resident} of North Carolina, married 39 spectacular years, 6 children, 11 grandchildren.I am passionate about love, living, laughter, liberty, learning, listening, loosening up, lounging, lunch, liveliness, literacy, lip stick, letting my hair down, leaping, leaning, libido, lifting, linking, looking, lodging, lemons and lyrics.My personal and professional background is wide and varied. I have a BS in Communication with a MA in Art Education. I am a Cosmic Therapist, artist, entertainer, singer/songwriter, musician, composer, playwright, perfumer, astrology, author, teacher, speaker, poet and self-taught chef.I am also a radio/television talk show creator, host and director. In addition when I'm not busy, I maintain a presence at M.O.D.E International School of Esoteric Arts and Sciences of which I founded many years ago,
