Some people are real suckers for punishment. Like those women that keep going back to partners that abuse them physically and verbally. And there are men as well that stay with abusive partners, or people that stay in jobs or in friendships where they are bullied.
No, I am not judging them. I also have a lot of empathy for them, because it took me years to shake off two abusive relationships, many destructive work environments and some feel-bad friendships, even after I had recognized what was happening. I was also a sucker for punishment.
In this case there is more truth in that expression ?sucker for punishment? than we may realize.
We are all One and part of the same perfect diamond that is called God ? or any other name that you know Him/Her by. All of us are required to form this perfect diamond, and the diamond would be flawed if any one of us is different or missing. Abusers also form part of the same diamond, and they are also part of our Oneness.
When we are in any type of relationship with a person, we have an additional bond with that person ? over and above the one we have with all humanity. Imagine that bond to be like a very strong silver cord that ties two people together. That cord exists between the abuser and the abused, just like it exists between two married people that have been in a happy relationship for forty or more years.
We enter into relationships because we know intuitively that we need the other person to learn important things about ourselves, and to help us get a balance in ourselves that we would otherwise miss.
Why would anyone willingly enter into an abusive relationship? Even when people close to you warn you of what they can see but you cannot? And why would anyone stay in that relationship even when their physical and emotional safety is on line?
Because we are suckers for punishment. That silver cord is firmly in place, and it literally sucks us back to the other person until we either realize that we no longer need them and move on, or until there is an incident that weighs more than the pull from that cord, for example when our lives are threatened.
All the time while the cord is in place and we stay in an abusive relationship, we hand our own personal power over to the other person. That cord is based in the solar plexus chakra, where our will power is seated.
When the solar plexus chakra is open and healthy, we understand that we are in charge of our own lives and that we can make our own decisions. We then contribute to a relationship in equal measures, and we understand that we are in the first place individuals, and in the second place part of a relationship.
When the solar plexus chakra is blocked and not healthy, we often believe that we are powerless and that we just have to suffer the punishment that is meted out to us by our partners ? or even by work colleagues or other family members that abuse us. The silver cord ties us to those people as well and not just to partners in a love relationship.
That is why people tend to stay in an abusive relationship for long times, and why they often go back even when they do get the courage to move out. They are pulled back by this cord that ties them to the abuser, because physical distance from an abuser does not change the belief that they are powerless. Physical distance does not stop them handing their power over to the abuser, because physical distance is a man-made concept and not real. That silver cord is real.
Once the change happens in the person and he/she starts to understand that they have a personal power and they take that power back, the solar plexus chakra starts to function normally. Then the person gets the courage to leave the relationship. This could mean getting a divorce, changing jobs if the abuser is a work colleague, or breaking off ties ? yes, that is literally what happens ? with an abusive friend or family member.
Sometimes that realization of having personal power takes a very long time, and we are forcibly removed from the situation, for example we face the wrong end of a fire-arm and flee to safety, and that gives us the courage to stay away from the abuser and heal the solar plexus chakra. Or we get dismissed from a job and discover that we are better off in a different job. Even then, it could take years to find our balance again.
The question is: why is this kind of information not available to us when we most need it? Why is the understanding and the healing not available much earlier?
I suppose that is where our karma comes in ? we need the experiences to find a balance with previous experiences. We choose our lives and our experiences, and at times it is hard to remember that all our experiences and our entire lives are perfect for our purpose in this life.
Elsabe Smit
Author Bio
Elsabe Smit hereby grants a NON-EXCLUSIVE license to any and all persons and entities to copy and reprint any article she posts as long as the article is left IN-TACT and UNALTERED and proper credit is given to her as Author.Elsabe Smit is the author of the blog Spiritual interpretations of everyday life
