Self talk is what is known as our inner voice or dialogue. Yes, we all talk to ourselves even though we mightn’t like to admit to it. And no, we’re not mad. Maybe we don’t usually do it out loud for everyone to hear but internally, we are constantly telling ourselves how to feel and act. Sometimes we are aware of it, and other times, we are not. This is what makes negative self-talk so detrimental to our mental well-being and what makes positive self-talk so crucial to our success. Your inner voice can either be your best friend or your own worst enemy so the only person holding us back from reaching our full potential is ourselves. Self-talk is so powerful that it can talk us out of doing something before we have even tried it. And I can guarantee we have all fallen victim to this one at some stage in our lives. For example, ever been invited to a party by one of your close friends only to discover that there will be nobody else you know going? Can you remember your inner-dialogue? Did you go to the party?
We have all been in such situations where we allow negative self-talk to take control of our emotions and in turn, the way we live our lives. The focus of such negativity is on the perceived outcome of a certain situation or event rather than focusing on the process involved.
For example, I’m sure we’ve all been in the situation one time or another where we have said to ourselves, “I’m going to make a fool of myself” or “I’m going to be so nervous.” We are constantly reporting an internal running commentary of our lives and a lot of the time, its doing us harm and we don’t even realise it.
Although much of our self-talk is quite reasonable – “I think I’ll do some studying for a few hours” or “I think I’ll start making dinner soon”, probably more of it than you realise is also self-defeating. “I know I’m going to fail this exam so there’s no point in even trying to study.” or “I can’t cook. I know this dinner party is going to be a disaster.”
None of us were brought into this world genetically engineered with low self-esteem.
This common lack of belief is learned from a young age and embeds itself into our sub-conscious, affecting our development. The roots of most of our insecurities can be traced back to our childhoods. Children tend to believe negative statements about themselves and because of this, develop a lack of self-worth if such negativity occurs on a regular basis.
As adults, we don’t need teachers shouting at us, telling us “you’re never going to learn, are you?” We are experts at holding on to feelings of low self-worth which we learned as children and don’t realise exist. But these feelings stem from somewhere, right?
It all sounds rather disheartening. But do you want to know the best bit? We can transform the negative ways in which we view ourselves into more positive and encouraging thoughts and actions. There is only one person behind the wheel and it is our role to take charge of our thinking choices.
Don’t worry; we’re all guilty of it in some shape or form. Have you ever spilled a glass of water and thought “You’re so stupid sometimes.” Why do we talk to ourselves in second person? We are desperately trying to disassociate ourselves from taking responsibility of our own emotions. A more positive inner dialogue might go something like this, “I’ve spilled some water. What can I do to put this right?” Allow yourself the control of making choices about how you feel. Don’t allow your feelings to control you.
By becoming aware of your thinking patterns, you can begin to reprogram your mind.
Self-talk is within your control and it is never too late to change your old ways of thinking.
Quick Tips
•Become aware of your inner voice
•Don’t use ‘you’ when speaking to yourself, use ‘I’ and give yourself control of your emotions.
•Use verbs of choice such as won’t, prefer to, choose to, like to, want to instead of should, ought to, need to, have to, cannot.
•When you catch yourself using negative self-talk, write it down and repeat the opposite to yourself
Negative self-talk - “I will be too nervous”
Positive self-talk – “I will be confident”
If you found this article useful and are interested in attending one of our Confidence Workshops, please do not hesitate to get in touch for more information on upcoming courses in your area. Visit our website www.pdsolutions.ie or email info@pdsolutions.ie for details.
Personal Development Solutions offers workshops in Confidence Building, Assertiveness Building, Stress Management along with one-to-one coaching sessions. Please see our website www.pdsolutions.ie for more details
